My Dr. Who
Age 18, San Luis, Arizona
To My Mad Man In A Blue Box:
Wow, can’t believe it’s been over a year. Nearly two, now that I think about it. Year and a half? Possibly.
We were only together for five months. Not a long time, I know. And I know I’m the one that broke it off.
But to me… you have no idea how special those five months were to me. We had fun; we laughed, we cried, we enjoyed our nerdiness together… Especially over Doctor Who and whatnot.
But ever since eighth grade, I’ve known that I was lesbian. But I’ve never wanted to come to acceptance with it. So I would force myself to like guys, and crush after them. But of course, no guy has ever liked me.
Then you came along.
Boy, how we met is something I will never forget.
You were very polite, and charming… very funny, and super adorable.
Half of me said, “This one. He’s the one for you.” While the other half said, “No, don’t try this again!”
But of course, I did. Not right away, though. A year after we met.
You had already known so much about me. Stuff I hadn’t really told anyone else.
I knew you liked me. So, I liked you back.
I turned my platonic love for you into romantic love, and I kid you not, you made me the happiest girl ever.
But I knew I was only doing you harm. Me, pretending to be straight, was only gonna hurt you more the longer I let it drag on.
So I decided to stop before it was too late.
We’re still good friends, that I’m so very thankful for. But sometimes, I can’t bring myself to talk to you.
Yes, you told me you were pretty much over the break up the next day. But that’s not it.
I did a very shitty thing and ended it the worst way possible. That’s what’s making me feel guilty after a year and a half of our break up.
Even so, I’m trying to come into terms with what I did, and trying to love myself the way you loved me.
I never knew someone could love me that way. And for that, I thank you.
You’re still The Doctor to me, I hope you know that.
You told me you already forgave me, or simply felt there was nothing to forgive, but I have to ask again.
I hope you can forgive me.
From, your Impossible Girl
What did you learn?
I learned that I basically took advantage of him, and that was extremely selfish of me.