You Broke Me, But I Knew Better
Age 15, Georgia, USA
You were my first love.
I was 15 going on 16. You, 17 going on 18. Two years wasn’t a big deal.
At least, not until you went to college and I was left as a junior in high school.
You made me believe we would end up together. That I was “The one.”
You said you never wanted to lose me. But three months later, you decided it wasn’t right. You decided you didn’t want me anymore.
You never meant to hurt me, but this was the first heartbreak I’ve ever had to go through. It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and crushed into a million pieces on the floor.
I let you have the best of me. I spiraled into darkness. I let the sadness and memories take over my mind. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. Every time I ate, I threw up. Not intentionally, but I couldn’t control it. It hurt. I was losing weight. My body ached and I had rather been dead than go through the physical and emotional pain I was facing.
I knew better than to let a boy do this to me. I knew better. I knew that God didn’t want me to do this to myself.
We are both Christians. We both have faith. We wanted to grow together. When you left me, I lost myself.
I didn’t know who I was or what I was doing. If I had kept losing weight, I would’ve ended up in the hospital.
I couldn’t enjoy my brother’s birthday party because I couldn’t eat. I made my family upset because I let you leaving control me.
It happened again a month later when you came to my 16th birthday. I had improved, but seeing you made it worse. You tried explaining and apologizing, but made it clear you didn’t want to be together. I guess I thought you would change your mind. I went through the same downward spiral again. I felt so alone. Like no one understood.
But as time continued, God helped me. He pulled me up. He made me stronger.
Through this, I hope my family forgives me for not enjoying family events. I hope my brother forgives me for not enjoying his party. I hope my body forgives me for not treating it right and hurting myself from throwing up. I hope God forgives me for losing myself.
Oh and I hope you forgive me for the bother I was after it was over.
I’ve finally been able to realize I’m better off without you.
What did you learn?
I learned that the one who broke me would not be the one to fix me and that it gets better. Don’t give up.