Learning To Let You Go
Age 18, Michigan, USA
When we met again I couldn’t believe how wonderful you were. To think that you would want to talk to me blew my mind. You are so attractive and unattainable and charming and witty and kind to those who you meet as you drift through life. And I thought, when you dedicated time every day to me—to understanding me, to talking to me, to forgiving me all my faults—that something beautiful would become of us.
I know I did you wrong, and boundaries were overstepped, but you promised me your forgiveness. And yet, at the end of the day, you took it away. I know you would deny this, and blame me, but the truth is, that you had as much blame to your name as I did to mine. I believed in you. I gave you everything I could. I loved you with my whole heart. I prayed for you, talked to you, was selfless for you, tried to get you to open up to me, too, but that was never good enough.
And realizing that it was not just me, like you told me, is what will someday give me the strength and the courage to meet you in public without having a panic attack. To let go of the heart palpitations and the stuttering and know that at the end of the day, I did more for you than for me. And that it was YOUR CHOICE to refuse to accept my love. I miss you. But I will not believe your lies any more.
I Will Always Love You
What did you learn?
I learned to let go. I learned that those who don’t want help cannot be helped, no matter how much I want to save them. I learned that pain will fade. I learned that missing you is the hardest thing I’ve ever done – and yet I know that I will survive this.