Slave To The Scale
Age 17, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, USA
I hope I can forgive myself. I let my eating disorder control my life for too long. I never meant to hurt myself, but that’s what happened in the long run.
I remember staying awake until three in the morning, counting how many calories I would eat and what exercises I had to do to burn them off.
I remember crying and never going to friends houses because I was afraid they might say, “Let’s order some pizza!” I didn’t know what to do if they did.
I remember being in and out of the psychiatric hospital every other week for self harm and suicide attempts. He hurt me and it felt like I were reliving it by simply living.
It hurt to hate myself so much. When I were 17, I overdosed. I was in the ICU for 2 1/2 days, and in the psych ward for a week. I remember praying to God saying, ” Just let me die already.” I thought it would never get better. I hope I can forgive myself for not saving myself sooner.
What did you learn?
Recovery takes time. You have to save yourself, nobody is going to do it for you.