Bad Timing: We should just be friends…

Age 18, USA

All through high school, we were friends. I had a crush on you, but I was too shy to let you know I was interested in more than friendship.

Somehow, you found out.

I was so happy that you finally asked me out after graduation. But there was one problem. I had just met someone else and I was definitely attracted to him for many reasons. As a matter of fact, I had already made plans to go out with the other guy on Saturday night.

I didn’t tell you because when you asked me to go to the movies, it was a dream come true. Yet, in the back of my mind, I knew I would be seeing this other guy in a few days. By not telling you, I felt like I was being dishonest, but I convinced myself that maybe it wasn’t really a date. Maybe we were just going out as friends? It was a stupid rationalization.

The whole time we were together, I was nervous. You were wonderful, but I was awkward and uncomfortable. You bought our movie tickets and at one point, you reached for my hand, but I pulled away.

I know I confused you and I’m sorry for that. I should have been honest about being interested in someone else. I made us both uncomfortable and in the end, we said good-bye by hugging each other. It was more final than I thought it would be, and I’m sorry for that, too. We haven’t talked since.

I wish I had been honest with myself and with you. I wish I had been a better friend because my mixed signals ruined our friendship.

I’m dating the other guy now, and I’m really happy. But I think about how I treated you. You deserved better. I hope you forgive me.