I Hope I Forgive You

Age 16, St. Louis, Missouri, USA
I Hope I Forgive You
By: Megneverfails

When the sun sets
On the last day
Of the end of my life,
I hope
That I can find it
Within myself
To forgive you.

Because every day,
The sun rises
On just another day
Of my roller coaster life,
And I still
Cannot find it
Within myself
To forgive you.

I was sixteen,
Young,
Free-spirited,
Innocent.

I was filled
With naivete.

I didn’t understand
How cruel the world could be,
Or how careless you were.

They tell you
Everyday
In your childhood
What drugs can do to you,
And how bad they are.

I listened.
So tell me,
Why didn’t you?

Why did you
Have to let the cruelty
Of this bitter world
Drag you
Into careless behavior?

You had family,
A mom,
A little boy,
Sisters,
And me.

But you
Took that Xanax pill bottle
From your boss
And you swallowed the evil,
And then allowed it
To consume you.

You let the evil
Consume your soul.

It didn’t matter
That your heart still beat,
Because your brain
Was drowned in fluid,
Cut off from the air it needed,
And it died.

You were here,
But you were gone,
And I hope I forgive you
For what you did to me.

Your hand was so warm
When I begged you to come back.
But you never did.

You knew
The drugs could kill you,
And you took them anyway.

The drugs became your sky,
And you were Atlas,
Forced to bear the weight of the world,
Unable to ever escape.

If I had been Zeus,
I swear
That I would have
Lifted the weight
Of the unbearable sky
Off of you.

But I’m not Zeus.

I’m just a girl,
One you chose to leave behind.

It took me a long time
To learn
That not everything
Is black and white.

Addictions are not
Cut and dry.

And you could not
Save yourself.

This world is bittersweet,
And I still miss you.

Your story tore me apart,
But it also taught me
The story of Atlas,
And how he was condemned
To bear the sky.

Truly,
I hope I forgive you, Atlas.