I’m Ready

Age 16, Wisconsin, USA

I was molested from age 4 to 12 years old by a family member. My parents are alcoholics and the only vice I had was my boyfriend, who happened to be my best friend, too. He would sit up with me at all hours of the night and make me laugh when I wanted to cry, and make me want to live, even if I wanted to die.

My happiness did not depend on him, or so I thought. But then he left me. And I understood why. I was a mess, doing anything to take the pain away. Cutting, popping pills, anything. But now, I’m ready to stop.

Dear Me:
I hope you forgive me for ruining your body.

I hope you forgive me for sneaking out late and doing things you weren’t supposed to.

I hope you forgive me for putting those awful cuts on your arms and legs and making your self esteem sink lower.

I hope you can forgive me for messing up your relationship with the person you loved by being controlling and mean.

I hope you can forgive me for letting your grade slip almost as fast as you did when you fell down from being too drunk.

Please forgive me for making you hate yourself and doing anything to remove the pain. From slitting your wrist and cutting your thighs, to drinking and driving and sleeping with guys.

I hope you can forgive me for making you into a person you now would hate. For taking your innocence and making bad mistakes.

I hope you can forgive me for putting our story out there to the world. I hope you can forgive me one day…now that our story has been told.

 

IHYFM’s response:
I Hope You Forgive Me
Dear “I’m Ready,”
This was so brave of you to share your story. You are a MIRACLE! What you’ve gone through…Well, there are no words! Nothing about what you have suffered is your fault! No one has the right to molest you! How is any child supposed to handle that? So not your fault!!!
Regarding the things you’re asking yourself to forgive. Please You’re taking responsibility for the choices you’ve made, recognizing how much they’ve hurt you. That’s a HUGE STEP!

Here are some things we want you to think about:

It’s important for you to know that you’re absolutely WORTHY OF LOVE! And that means starting with yourself!!! Being strong means understanding that there are things that we can’t control, like our parents’ behavior or the fact that you were molested.
But now, you get to decide to love yourself!! And you’re worthy of it. ABSOLUTELY WORTHY! You have done nothing, NOTHING that makes you unworthy to love yourself!!!! You only were trying to figure out a way to cope. You know those choices weren’t healthy. You know you want better. And we have no doubt that you will be. That you’re taking the steps to a different life.

How can you control your parents? You can’t. How can you change the past? You can’t. So, you chose ways to escape the pain, right? And even though you knew that those ways weren’t the answer, they still SEEMED like they were an answer. But bad ones, which made you feel worse. GAH! What a cycle. YOU DON’T DESERVE THAT! You’re only sixteen!!! And what you need is love and hugs and people who care. Please know that it most likely was too much for you best friend to carry that burden. Not because he didn’t care, but because he didn’t know how. Does that make sense? Just like you haven’t known how.

But now you do!!!! Please be proud of yourself for choosing YOU!

And remember, no one, NO ONE is perfect. So just strive to do the best you can. Some days, that may mean that it’s not easy, but that’s when it’s even more important for you to tell yourself, “I’VE GO THIS! I can get past this!!!!!! You can and you will. Be your own best friend! Be kind to yourself. Love yourself first! You deserve it.

We’re cheering you on!!!!