I’m The Bigger Person

Age 19, Connecticut, USA

Dear Father Dearest,

If someone had asked me a few years ago what I thought about you, I would have said that I hated you.

But I don’t anymore. Now I pity you.

I’ve grown and I’ve learned. Every hit you gave me. Every bruise. I learned from every split lip, every push, and every shove. I learn from watching how you pushed my mother around.

I learned when you threw my sister into the hockey table.

You taught me to be wary. You taught me what my future partner should not be. And that’s why I don’t hate you.

Because regardless of all the bruises and the broken childhood, I did learn a few things from you.

I learned to stand up for myself. I learned to defend myself. I learn that if I don’t take control, I will be controlled.

And after living that for years, I refuse to go back to it.

I pity you. For you will never change. You are set in your violent ways, no matter how much you pretend. For once an abuser, always an abuser.

But I don’t wish you bad. I wish you happiness and love. I wish you money and hope.

You may only be in my life through my sisters right now, but I’ll always wish you the best.

Because the biggest thing I did learn was one of the things you never seem to have learned: To forgive.

What did you learn?

It is the bigger person to learn to forgive those who have hurt them.

Response from IHYFM:

I Hope You Forgive Me
Dear “I’m The Bigger Person,”

You are so strong and your message is important. No one should have to suffer the way you and your sisters and mom have suffered. We hope you are all staying safe. Your sisters are so fortunate to have you. You ARE the bigger person. The fact that you were able to forgive under these circumstances shows what an extraordinary person you are. We have no doubt you’ll thrive!

We wish you tremendous happiness and success. Thank you again for sharing your story.