You’re Not A Man, But A Monster

 In Featured Stories

Age 18, Alabama, USA

Dear Rapist,

I trusted you, I called you a friend even. What did I do to make you think it was ok to drug and rape me?

You knew I struggled with a pain pill addiction. You told me it was just a Loratab and I believed you, but that wasn’t what it was at all.
You had me drive you to your dad’s and that’s where you did that awful thing to me. I should thank you for at least drugging me so I don’t remember it all; I just wish I hadn’t woken up in the middle of your act. I wish I had stayed unconscious so I didn’t have to know.
The smile you gave me as I yelled at you to get off me is engraved in my memory; the few minutes I was awake will never leave my mind. I tried to kill myself because of you; I lost my best friend because of you, because she couldn’t handle me screaming in my sleep as I replayed those scenes in my dreams.
I have so many questions for you but I do not want your excuses now. Thank you, though, for showing me my real friends, for hurting me so badly but showing me I am strong enough to survive it.
I have the greatest man in my life now because of you. He was OUR friend, but he stands by me and not you.
You are to blame for your decision, I finally see that.
What did you learn?
It was NOT my fault. It is never the victim’s fault, and crying about it is not weak. Get help, tell someone. Friends or not, what happened was far from okay.

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