I WANT To Be With You, But I Can’t Because…

Posted January 30, 2018

Age 17, Wisconsin

To all the friends I’ve hurt because of my mental health:
Where do I begin?

I’m so very sorry for the pain I have caused you. Sometimes it all becomes too much. The anxiety kicks in and I’m too nervous to interact with your other friends and family so I simply don’t show up to your parties.

The depression makes me feel so alone and numb that I don’t want to leave my house even though I was excited to come to the party earlier in the day. Sometimes my thoughts just get ahead of me and I can’t help but want to do anything but sit at home and stare at the walls in my bedroom.

I understand that I use my mental illnesses as an excuse but please try to see my point of view and forgive me. It’s not that I don’t want to hang out, it’s that the anxiety and depression both kick in at once and I’m left to pick up my broken pieces alone because god forbid I make you feel uncomfortable.

I never meant to hurt you, but these things take time to fix.

My only hope is that you will forgive me for becoming a shell of who I used to be.